When someone dies, it takes everyone's breath away and hurts all hearts in some way... there are no "perfect" words that can be said to comfort the Grief Blow that occurs. You will hear "I'm so sorry" to "You'll see them again" and so much in between.
When Colin died, it was so heart crushing and shocking, that at first, it was just all slow motion... What is the doctor saying? What am I now saying to my kids? My dad? His sister? Am I truly screaming No No No? And so on... so many unreal words all swirling all around me....
But then you start to hear everything.. each word of comfort echos in your head, each breath you take feels so heavy, each tear and sob are so loud... and so many people are talking at me, trying to say the right thing to help, and nothing, not one single word helps, AT ALL, sadly.
Here's the thing... they mean well! They hurt and want to help you not hurt... even in their clumsy, sometimes rambing sentences, they mean well, honest they do.
I heard so many awkward, "please stop talking" words, and yes, even hurtful ones .. Examples: I was asked very quickly (within about 3-4 weeks of Colin passing) "think you'll date again? I mean, you can now", "think you'll stop crying soon? It's making others kinda uncomfortable." Or my all time favorite, "Wow! You really don't realize how lucky you are to get to start a new life"
When those stinging words happened, I wanted to scream, retaliate with my own stinging words and say "Really? Like REALLY???? How freakin dare you!" But instead God softly whispered "hear their heart, not their words, they mean well". They were my friends, my family, people who loved me and TRULY wanted to help me, comfort me, take my pain away, not add to it...God knew because he could see their hearts, He could see mine. He saw the love they were trying to give me.
Hear their hearts...ok God, but I'm making a list! I'm making a list of what to not say to someone walking my path in the future.. I'm making a list to share with My Ladies who will understand, will compare list and can actually laugh and cry about them because they had to "hear hearts" also, I'm making a list so later I can find the love in them, I couldn't find when they were spoken, because I want to only hear their hearts.
And the funny part about all this? The CRAZY truth??? Each were ALL true... (except the "I'm so lucky I get to start over" one, that's STILL so wrong) they were so sorry, I will see Colin again, I can date again (some day maybe), my nonstop, never ending crying (seriously, I cried all the time) did make others uncomfortable, and I did (and still do) hear their hearts...and felt their outpouring of love.
Whatever your Grief Walk is, however new or old it is, please try to remember, your loved ones LOVE you, even if their words don't seem to; hear their hearts because that's what they really are trying to convey to you.. all the hurt and the love that they feel for you that their words just can't seem to express... and just so you know, when you don't have the words, God can ALWAYS hear your heart, so it's ok to just sit with Him in silence and let Him do the "listening"....
Thanks for joining me again in the Passenger Seat. Buckle up, keep your Faith and please always be kind💖
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